


The Birthday Bro

by mrstater



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Birthday, Gen, Minor Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Pop Culture, Science Bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrstater/pseuds/mrstater
Summary: Tony never forgets Bruce's birthday (or the Other Guy's), from 2012-2017.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Magical_Destiny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Destiny/gifts).



> It's a few days early for Bruce Banner's birthday, but not for [Magical_Destiny](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Magical_Destiny/pseuds/Magical_Destiny), who's celebrating hers today! When I asked her for a prompt, she requested the Science Bros and birthdays. Here's my offering for someone who's a wonderful writer and a friend I look forward to chatting with every day. Hope it's a magical day for you, my dear, and that this nonsense is what the doctor ordered. <3

**2012**

Actually, Bruce didn't have a birthday celebration in 2012.

Sometime after the New Year, he stepped through the door of his room in the Tower and found himself muzzle to muzzle with a giant stuffed--he took a step backward, the door swinging softly against his shoulder--rabbit. One of its long ears flopped over jauntily, and it had a ribbon tied around its neck.

"Tony?" he said, somehow sensing he was the responsible party. "Why is there a Hulk-sized rabbit in my room?"

"What, you just assume _I'm_ behind this?" As predicted, Tony emerged into view, his face the picture of innocence.

"You…were literally behind it."

"It's a birthday gift, to answer your question. Belated. Hence the bow." Tony fluffed the loops of the ribbon, then leaned against the rabbit's shoulder as if they were bosom pals. Which he'd hinted from time to time _they_ were. It begged a question…

"And you thought I'd want a giant stuffed rabbit because…?"

"Misguided impulse. The same one that misguided me to give it to Pepper for Christmas."

This was all becoming so much clearer. Bruce pulled off his glasses, huffed out a laugh. "It's not only a late gift, it's a _re_ gift? Honestly, I would've preferred you just left it as this point. I wasn't offended that you forgot."

"This is exactly why I value our friendship," said Tony, straightening up and reaching out to lay his hand on Bruce's shoulder. "You understand when I lose all sense of time because I'm saving the world and my girlfriend and having a post-traumatic stress disorder…episode. But frankly, Bruce," he went on, fingers squeezing tighter. " _I'm_ a little offended you think I'd forget your birthday. Or regift. What kind of billionaire do you think I am? The original got blown up in the Malibu house."

"I guess that really made it a rab _bit_ , huh?" Seeing the twitch of Tony's eyelid, Bruce moved swiftly right along. "And you bought another one just like the one Pepper didn't want for me?"

With a longsuffering sigh, Tony's hand fell from Bruce's shoulder, and he stepped backward, sagged against the rabbit again. "Not for _you_ , the Big Guy. It's more his size. No offense."

"None taken," Bruce mumbled. How was it that Tony's explanations always managed to leave him even more confused? He buffed his glasses on his shirttail, then put them back on. "So this is a birthday present…for the Other Guy?"

"I figured he probably gets omitted from a lot of people's lists."

Bruce snorted.

"And, I don't know," Tony went on, "this just seemed like the kind of thing he'd like. But I've been wrong before. I kept the receipt this time, just in case."

The laugh that had been Bruce's first response died. Tony meant it. He usually did.

And in the silence, Bruce heard a faint rumble--no, more like a purr--in the shared corner of his own mind.

"It is the kind of thing he likes," Bruce said, aware that his life had just taken an even weirder turn if he was acknowledging his alter ego's gift preferences. "Thanks, I guess? For thinking of him."

Tony released the bunny and slung his arm around Bruce's neck, pulling him back through the door he'd just come in through. " _Your_ present's in the lab."

~*~

**2013**

"Gee, Brain, what do you want to do tonight?" Tony breezed into the lab without any other greeting, not to mention advance warning he'd be in New York today. Though honestly, either would've surprised Bruce more than him showing up like this.

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky," he replied, glancing from his screen just in time to see Tony shudder.

"I'll tell you what we're _not_ doing." He came around the workstation and leaned back against the edge of the desk.

"Taking over the world?" Bruce was never quite sure, with Tony.

"Roleplaying as Pinky and the Brain."

That was…not the weirdest thing Tony had ever said.

"What's today?" Bruce adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose as he leaned in toward the calendar widget on the far right screen. "Wednesday?"

Out the corner of his eye, he saw Tony nod. "The eighteenth."

"Seven shopping days till Christmas."

And two till the Stark Industries party. Which still didn't explain why Tony was in town _today._ But Bruce had long since given up on trying to explain Tony.

"Um, seven shopping days till _Jesus' birthday_. But only one till yours, so… You gotta throw me a bone here, Bruce. What're we doing? I mean, if you _did_ have your heart set on the roleplaying thing, I'll go with it, but only if it can be as Brain and the Brain. You know I love accuracy as much as your sexy mind."

At the moment, Bruce thought he might've been a little more accurately cast as Pinky, as the mind Tony professed to admire so fervently worked to process that what apparently had brought him to New York two days before the company party was Bruce's birthday. Especially since he'd celebrated it once already this year.

"I appreciate the thought," he said, "but I'd hate to do that to Pepper after last year's stuffed rabbit debacle."

"Oh, she gave me a free pass if it involves you." Tony waggled his eyebrows suggestively, but then they pulled together, wrinkling his forehead. "If you can't come up with something to do, I'm gonna drag you shopping with me so I can blame any misguided impulses on you."

Bruce saved his work and swiped the files off his screens. "Actually," he said, pulling off his glasses, "Christmas shopping sounds nice." He should get something to send Aunt Susan…

Tony lit up. "Doesn't it? New York City, snow, shopping…Cap it off with ice skating at Rockefeller Center, and we've got all the trappings of a romantic Hallmark Channel Christmas movie."

Bruce cringed at the memory of the bruise he'd gotten last time he attempted to ice skate. "Only if you're trying to get the Other Guy to make a holiday appearance when I inevitably fall on my ass."

"Well, it's an ass worth saving," Tony said, patting it. " _How the Hulk Saved Christmas_."

Christm _ass,_ Bruce resisted the urge to say.

"Hmm…More _Harlem Terror 2_ than Hallmark Channel, though he'd probably love getting out on his birthday," Tony said, rubbing his chin. "Hey, we should catch a movie while we're out. Lots of new releases."

"It's Oscar season," Bruce agreed.

"We already went over this, Jesus is the reason for the--"

"There's this one about a guy who falls in love with his phone."

Tony blinked. "Is it a biopic about JARVIS and me?

"I think the phone's female."

"Hollywood would make it heteronormative," said Tony with a scowl.

"So that's a no?"

"Oh no--that's a _date_."

"A birthdate," Bruce couldn't resist. He braced for Tony's eyelid to twitch, but he grinned instead.

"There's the name of our Hallmark Channel Christmas romance."

~*~

**2014**

A package wrapped in _Happy Birthday_ paper lay on Bruce's usual seat on the quinjet when he boarded for a mission to Moldova.

"Little early for Jesus' birthday, isn't it?" Barton quipped, giving it a cursory glance on his way through to the cockpit.

"Just a week," Cap replied, "and I think Loki's scepter's on his list."

Barton snorted. "Amen to that."

"It's Bruce's birthday," Natasha said as she strapped into the seat beside his, her eyebrow hitching as she scrutinized the unlabeled present for a hint of who it was from.

That ruled her out, Bruce thought, heat prickling up from the neck of his sweater to the hair at his nape. Of course, she'd never been the most likely candidate.

"Felicitations on the day of your birth!" boomed Thor, clapping him on the shoulder before taking his own seat across the hold.

Cap, already buckled in next to Thor, said, "Still only the third-oldest Avenger, by almost half a century."

"By a millennium," Thor corrected.

"If only I were the third-oldest looking," Bruce said.

"You're a silver fox," Tony told him, "don't ever let anyone tell you differently. Not that anyone would."

Natasha looked away. Bruce's neck felt hotter.

"Sorry you got stuck working on your birthday, though," Cap said.

That _was_ disappointing, but Bruce smiled. "Didn't have big plans anyway."

"Nope, he had _Hobbit_ -sized plans," Tony said. "Puny Baggins, not really Hulk's thing. You gonna open that, or what?"

"Right now? In front of everyone?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "It's not a negligee. Although now you mention it, I--"

Bruce tore open the gift wrap, revealing fabric in a purplish hue. It had a sheen, for something that supposedly wasn't a negligee… Unfurling it, he let out a breath to find a jacket and matching pants.

"A track suit?"

"More like a don't-get-caught-in-your-birthday-suit suit."

Understanding dawned: Bruce had known one of Tony's many projects had been to develop a fabric that would stretch to Hulk-size without being torn to shreds, then shrink back down again, but he hadn't mentioned he'd actually done it.

"Although if ever there was an appropriate day to," Tony mused, "this would be it."

"No." Bruce shook his head, vigorously. "I can't think of a worse day for everyone to see me in my birthday suit."

Several hours later, Tony and Natasha were standing over him as he lay on the floor of some sort of basement. An abandoned wine cellar, he decided; the walls were lined with empty racks.

"It's too bad there's not any wine here anymore," said Tony.

"Why, do I need to drink away the embarrassment?" Bruce couldn't steel himself to check the status of his clothedness. He didn't _think_ he felt his bare ass on concrete, but the shivering made it hard to say for sure. He should probably be more concerned about whether they'd found Loki's scepter…

"To celebrate the success of the stretchy pants! The Big Guy really likes having a team uniform, by the way."

"I think he mostly liked you complimenting how figure flattering they were," Natasha said, handing Bruce his jacket. "Which should probably disturb us all."

"Not as much as he liked Natasha singing _Happy Birthday_ over the comms."

"You…sang to him?" Bruce said.

With a shrug, Natasha turned and strode toward the wooden staircase at the end of the cellar, just visible in the shaft of sunlight that fell down them.

"If we hurry, you two can still catch that _Hobbit_ showing…"

When she'd disappeared out of view, Bruce found Tony regarding him beneath a raised eyebrow. "I don't know about you, but I could go for something with a little more nudity."

Bruce pulled on his jacket and grunted out as he heaved to his feet, "Just so long as it isn't me."

~*~

 

**2015-2016**

Actually, he didn't have a birthday celebration in 2015 or 2016.

Banner tended to lose track of time on Earth anyway, so keeping up with it in space was hopeless.  Occasionally, giant stuffed rabbits hopped through Hulk's mind, or he envisioned himself fighting in a flattering team uniform, and he wondered if Stark remembered him on December eighteenth.

Whenever that was.

**~*~**

**2017**

Bruce stepped through the door of his room in the Facility and found himself muzzle to muzzle with a giant stuffed rabbit. It looked a little worse for the wear, the ends of the ribbon frayed, the cocked ear showing a little stuffing at the seam.

"You moved this thing all the way from the city?" he asked.

"Well, you know," replied Tony, who lingered behind in the hall, "I wasn't sure which of the prodigals had returned. Heard the Big Guy stuck around for a long time up there. And that he's a fan of _Happy Birthday_ ," he added, which took away some of the sting at the implied resentment of _prodigal_.

Though when Bruce turned to face him, Tony still stood with his arms crossed, frowning heavily.

"Is it someone's birthday?" Bruce asked, fixing an expression of innocence on his face.

"Jesus'," Tony said. "In a week."

"He is the reason for the season."

"No. The Oscars are."

"Are you asking me out on a date?" _A birthdate_ , his voice whispered through his mind.

"You know," Tony began, unfolded his arms and lowered his hands into his pants pockets, "two years ago, I got you tickets. The _Star Wars: Episode VII_ premiere. I had a metal bikini all ready."

"For me, or for you?"

"Me, _obviously_. The metal would never have stretched and shrunk back down if you'd had an incident on the red carpet."

At least he hadn't disparaged Bruce's ability to pull off a bikini. Though why that was a comfort was probably cause for concern.

"But you didn't show up," said Tony. "Or for _Rogue One_ last year."

As the silence stretched between them, Bruce lowered his head, pulled off his glasses. Then he looked up again, huffed out a breath.

" _Episode VIII_ just opened," he said.

"Are you asking me for a birthdate?"

"If you still have the bikini."

Tony rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"I _do_ , but we're in upstate New York and it's seven shopping days till Christmas."

"Those factors apparently weren't going to stop you from wearing it to _Episode VII_."

 _"_ Um, I'm going to wear Leia's Hoth snowsuit, of course." Tony pushed past Bruce and the bunny. "Come see what I got you."

Bruce stood rooted to the entryway floor. "Is it too much to hope for Jedi robes?"

"You were AWOL for two years, Bruce."

He sighed. "I have to be the tauntaun, don't I?"

" _Get_ to be."

Bruce supposed it was better than his birthday suit.


End file.
